My first time…

…at Harrogate Crime Writing Festival.

Full Disclosure: I live in Harrogate, as some of you may already know.

And no, I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to get along to one of the UK’s most popular festivals for the book industry, especially when it is RIGHT ON MY DOORSTEP.

Okay, I know why. It’s the old imposter syndrome thing again, isn’t it?

I’ve been trying to write and publish a novel for years, ever since I decided to get serious about it in my forties and started an MA in Creative Writing. But for some reason, I found it difficult to share these seemingly lofty aspirations with anyone other than my nearest and dearest.

I can remember well, the equal feelings of giddy excitement and self-conscious vulnerability when I was shortlisted for the Bath Novel award in 2023 and then consequently signed with a literary agent. The sensation of simultaneously wanting to shout from the rooftops and also hide under a rock. It felt the same when I got a book deal and revealed the cover of my novel, THE FAMILY AT NO. 23 on social media (and then asked people to review / pre-order/ buy it).

 Imposter syndrome’s favourite phrases include: Who do you think you are? AND You’re just showing off now!

In truth, I didn’t feel like I had a right to be at the festival before now (ridiculous I know, since anyone paying for a ticket has a right to be there) but I didn’t feel like I was a ‘proper' writer and I wouldn’t know anyone and anyway I wasn’t really writing crime etc, etc. And then finally, one day I found I was publishing a domestic suspense novel and I needed to get out there and promote it and meet my industry peers and… I had run out of excuses.

 Look, my publishers Hodder & Stoughton, even had these cute little postcards printed so I could promote my soon-to-be published novel. I had to get over myself!

I’m starting to realise that imposter syndrome will never leave me and I will have to learn to live with it, or accept it as part of the process (perhaps the anxiety that drives me, even?) But it’s so true that writers are often solitary, shy introverts who then have to force themselves into social situations and be ‘out there’.

That’s how I felt when I stood on the periphery of the main tent at the Theakston’s Crime Writing Festival. So many successful people, household names, bloggers and reviewers and friends who all knew each other and had been going for years. But as someone once said, strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet (!) and I came away, three days later, with some lovely new ones. Yes, my social battery kept dying on me a bit and I was grateful to be able to nip home to refuel in every sense before going back on site for more in the evenings.

I also have to say that everything I had heard about the crime writing community in particular, was also true. They really are the nicest, friendliest and most supportive bunch of people. Shout out to local indie bookshop Imagined Things, who even promoted my book in the window! And if you’d like to order a signed & dedicated copy of my debut novel, while helping out a small business, you can do so here.

Anyway, suffice it to say, I think I have caught the bug and am already looking forward to next year’s event (it is marked in my diary). And maybe by then, I’ll feel like I belong there (a little bit more).